Sometimes I wonder if I am supposed to wait for him. Maybe that’s what’s in the cards. Who knows. But what I do know, is that I don’t deserve this kind of pain. I hate sitting here, pondering my life and all it’s flaws and wondering “where did I go wrong”. I want to know what it’s like to wake up happy. More than once a year. I don’t want to hate my job and feel unsuccessful because my brain is being wasted. I don’t want to hate the human race or be disgusted at the thought of having to socialize.

It’s hard to better yourself when all that you do is spend time finding ways to tear yourself apart.